(3rd/10 PART “FEAR OF REJECTION”)
But why does this happen?
Mainly because we don’t have a good emotional education .
It is not our fault, it is that they have not taught us to face life situations in a rational way , or worse, they have taught us to fear situations that do not really pose any danger .
Ours is a wrong educational system, for many reasons, which we are not going to deepen now, but it is definitely one of the fundamental reasons why so many people suffer uselessly .
Knowledge has always been an instrument of power . The risk that has supposed and supposes today, that people can think with their own criteria, has to be contained in some way.
The uniformity in beliefs, in the way of thinking and acting guaranteed in a society, greater control over any form of subordination.
The comparison between people , for example, was and is still today, a very effective instrument to implant this absurd fear of rejection .
They have taught us that the fact of being considered different and discordant with the opinion or expectation that others have of us is something bad to avoid.
Since childhood, they have always compared us with others ; in family , with our siblings; in school with classmates; even among our same groups of friends .
We are always compared, and consequently, we are accepted or discarded in some way.
This idea is so instilled, that even as adults , we continue to allow ourselves to be compared continuously. They compare us at work , in our family and social environment, but we do it as well.
Everything in our life is a continuous and strenuous comparison with others , we have to be equal to the general or specific standard. Otherwise, we think that surely anything bad will happen to us.
As a result of this inadequate emotional education , we are prone to keep and acquire a tenacious memory of the situations that have caused us harm, in order to avoid them in the future.
We become “docile” to the demands of others or we isolate ourselves .
The belief that it is better to avoid certain situations, than to face and find a solution more in line with reality, is acquired when fear is psychological and there is no real danger.
That is why the fear of rejection is “negatively conditioned” before the alleged damage arises.
We avoid repeating actions or situations that can expose us to a foreign gesture of contempt or a simple comment of disagreement.
But this is not convenient for us, because it limits our freedom to choose and make our own decisions and preferences, lowers our self-esteem and blocks our personal, emotional and social development .