CHRISTMAS, A MOMENT TO GIVE
Christmas is coming, and with it a time of good feelings and gifts for all. It is a moment of encounter, therefore of sharing emotions among people that are part of our life.
Family, friends, these days become for us the center of our attention and best wishes for them. An intimacy that leads to the purpose of making a gift.
What does it mean to give ?
To present is something more than giving someone an object. With the act of giving, we want to please the person who receives it. The gift expresses our affection and our interest towards that person, for this reason it is important that we choose our gift well.
The importance of a good gift
Choosing a gift badly can cause the deterioration of the relationship. We can spend time and money and only make the other person feel disappointed. This is something that we absolutely must avoid.
A bad gift is worse than not giving gifts. When we receive a gift that we do not like or that seems inappropriate, what we do is rethink the relationship.
We feel that this person does not know us enough and consequently does not understand us. A bad gift can indicate that you do not think about the other person and that you do not care. The message is clear, we don’t feel interest in that person, so the relationship tends to cool down and become more distant.
Studies from Columbia University say that between couples, men and women react differently to a gift that we do not like or that we consider unsuitable.
Men identify the gift with the relationship. They don’t like the gift, they don’t like the relationship. They consider the continuation of the relationship and think that it will end in a short time.
Women, however, put the relationship above the gift. They do not give such importance to the gift, thinking that the couple is denied to buy gifts, but that their intention is good. They want to believe that they want and know them anyway. Do not consider the relationship’s rupture.
Why do we give such importance to gifts?
We all basically want others to buy us and include us. When someone gives us something we like, we feel a closeness with that person. A feeling that tells us that that person really understands us and considers us.
In relationships with others we seek understanding. That is why we approach couples or friends related to our interests and hobbies. We notice that they understand us better and accept us as who we are..
How to hit with gifts?
How to give, essentially. Keys and practical advice to not make mistakes when giving Christmas gifts.
Think about the other person – Before giving a gift, think of the gift that the other person might like. Put yourself in the place of the other. Keep in mind that your gift is a message to the other person, with which you tell him that you care or that you do not care at all. Choose which message you want to send.
Adapt to the circumstances – For example, money would be a gift well accepted by some people, but not always appropriate. But giving money can show arrogance and could mark some distance in the relationship, so sometimes it is not recommended.
Before giving, do not ask – Before giving “think” first in the gift that the other person can wish. As much you can ask people nearby. But never directly to the person concerned.
Ask someone what you wish to receive? It is a question that shows total disinterest for the person.
Your gift should be important to you – Make sure your gift is liked and that you would like to see the expression of satisfaction that the person will receive. Your gift should make you proud. If not, better not give it away. It is a bad gift.
Make personal gifts – The gifts that show your interest and your knowledge for that person. Knowing your tastes and preferences will help you choose a detail according to personality and wishes. Present that are designed for that person.
Make some gift of experience – A good option is to make occasional gifts of experiences. The opportunity to spend time together will undoubtedly improve your relationship. Sharing unique and special moments with your friends, with your partner or with your family, children or grandparents, can be a good gift idea.
Considering the circumstances of time, availability, age and level of relationship, the experiences lived together with another person consolidates and promotes affective bonds.
A good idea for this Christmas and for the next New Year 2020 would be: tickets for events or concerts, special trips and dinners to receive the New Year, spa stays after the Christmas excesses or for our grandparents, visits to amusement parks for the little ones, etc.
It doesn’t matter that the gift is enjoyed later in time, the illusion of a desired and loved gift will not take away the enthusiasm and happiness of receiving it. So, introducing a gift of experience is highly recommended.Attention to very practical gifts – too useful gifts can indicate for example, that your partner is not perfect. This is a message that we should avoid. Practical gifts for the home are best made to the family in general and not as a personal gift for a member of the family.
They could be done only in the case of a spontaneous advance request by the person. We must be sure that his/her desire is to receive that gift and that he/she will not misinterpret it.
When we don’t know the person well – In this case we should give away things that we know work every time. Gifts that everyone likes because they are fashionable or because of their quality. Keeping in mind that they are consistent with the age, the circumstances and the level of friendship or social commitment.
What we feel, we transmit. Whether we want it or not. That’s why we must be sure that our message through the gift indicates and shows our interest and affection towards that person.
It is always worth giving a gift. Caring for others through the details, as it is a present, gives us greater happiness than ignoring the people around us.
We seek to surprise with gifts instead of satisfying desires
People tend to give things that create a great surprise at the time of receiving it. Even when we have the possibility of giving away another object with greater possibility that will likes more. This is the conclusion of an investigation published in the North American journal Psychological Science.
According to the researcher Adelle Yang, from the National University of Singapore, the main author of these studies, the sample of emotions that creates the moment of surprise is preceded by other considerations.
Oleg Urminsky, from the Booth School of Business at the University of Chicago and co-author with Dotsa. Yang explains that we usually perceive the emotional demonstrations of other people as a representation of their inner state.
So, their expressions of happiness and well-being in the moment of surprise, we interpret them in our own way to guide our decisions as if they were the desire of the other.
Apparently when giving away we look for the “smile” and the enthusiasm that creates the moment of surprise. And not so much to satisfy the person with a gift that we know he prefers but that when expected will not show so much excitement upon receiving it.
Our priority is to provoke more enthusiastic emotional responses, because we like to see these emotions in people.
To verify this hypothesis, the decisions of 357 people regarding real and imaginary donations were analyzed.
The experiment consisted of the following: 357 participants had to imagine being part of a couple who would receive a gift or one of the friends who would deliver the presents.
They were shown two pairs of cups with similar prices: one personalized and the other with an ergonomic design. They were asked for a taste level rating for each option, which option they preferred and preannounced the emotional response they thought they would have, along with the degree of satisfaction of each option.
The results were the following: Independently if they were the receivers or observers. Participants generally preferred personalized cups because they would generate a greater emotional response.
According to the experiment, people thinks that their partner would be equally satisfied with either of the two options, but tends to prefer the personalized cup stimulated by the greater reaction that they think their partner will have when they see the gift.
However, those who would receive the present, did not show any preference between the two options. The two options would give them equal satisfaction.
Another similar study was done with 295 people with a partner. They had to choose the favorite gift for Valentine’s Day. The experiment was as follows: Choose between pairs of similarly priced gifts. The pairs of choice were: 1 dozen open roses or 2 dozen of roses about to bloom. A bouquet of fresh flowers or a bonsai. And 1 basket in the form of heart with inside cookies or fruits.
The result was the same, the givers preferred the option they thought would provoke a more enthusiastic immediate reaction. For example, the fresh flowers instead of the bonsai, which however would offer greater long-term satisfaction.
The study also revealed that the preference for gifts with greater surprise impact, disappeared when the donor knew in advance that he would not be able to see the person’s reaction when they saw his gift.
Sometimes people want useful gifts and give satisfaction in the medium or long term, such as books or money, but still givers fear not to cause strong emotions with similar gifts.
In fact, long-term satisfaction does not seem to influence or be considered in the enjoyment of the donor.
Dr. Yang points out that these discrepant preferences are surprisingly “stubborn”, the data have shown that even when the gift receiver has a different preference if his/her present was for him/her, giving it to someone else for the surprise effect is a priority and prevails.
So, asking the person who gives to be put in the place of the receiver at the time of choosing is very unlikely to influence their final decision. It always leans towards the most surprising gift and not the most desired one.
The worst thing is that researchers intuit that this behavioral trait can also influence others, even more important, contexts. The Dr. Yang co-operates by saying that he expects people in charge of making medical, financial, professional, political and consumer decisions for others not to be subject to these personal motivations and to consider the long-term satisfaction and well-being of people.
The most common mistakes when we give
The three most common mistakes to avoid:
How much we like to surprise people with presents! And as a result, we give away things that they have not asked for, to create a moment of surprise. We don’t know if they will like it or not. And this is a risk that we should avoid from now on.
This is one of the most frequent mistakes we usually make. However, some people prefer to say in advance gifts they would like to receive and not take unwanted surprises.
Another mistake, no less important, is to always make gifts of tangible objects. Because we believe that this will elicit an immediate response and give greater joy, right?
This is fine too, but giving experiences at least once in a while, is mostly appreciated. Although the time to enjoy it has to be delayed in time.
So, give away trips, weekend stays, tickets for events or concerts, etc. All of them are good ideas as a gift for Christmas, birthdays etc.
Another mistake we sometimes make is to give donations to charities, on behalf of the person we want to please. The donation is something personal that the interested person must do directly. It is better to focus on a gift directed towards the person itself.
Sometimes gifts that are useful in the medium or long term are also preferred. If this is desired and satisfactory of course.
This is what the research done by the Tepper Business School of Carnegie Mellon University and the Kelley School of Business of the University of Indiana affirms. So, they arrive at the conclusion that there is a great difference between the motivations of the people who give and the people who receive the gift.
Apparently, this study shows us that in order to get the gift right, it is convenient to before empathize with the person we want to make happy. Know your tastes, preferences and your wishes, You will avoid falling into the error of choosing a bad present.
Who achieves the most with Christmas gifts?
It seems an easy question to answer, but it has interesting peculiarities to discover. Finally, you will also be successful this year in the purchase of Christmas gifts for your family and friends.
First, the people who know us most obviously, our partner is the one who best hits the chosen gift. It is the conclusion of a study conducted by the Australian company McCrindle Research.
The motivation is understandable: the closest people are usually the ones who know best our tastes and desires. And therefore, they tend to choose the desired gift with more success, for example for this Christmas.
On the other hand, our co-workers and bosses are usually the worst presents in these festivities.
In addition, study shows that technological / electronic gifts are the most gifted and most successful today, in fact they are in trend for the year 2019.
Followed by gifts of experiences, such as trips, tickets for concerts and interesting events, as well as healthy spa treatments.
But also, the personal gifts of fashion and accessories are still an election of the most popular, preferring exclusive and modern fashion presents.
However, decorative objects are no longer appreciated according to this report. Due possibly to the roaming of our activities of interest.
Each time we tend to spend less time in our own homes. So the idea of decorating the home has been changing to a more practical, comfortable and towards a particular style.
The advanced technology, quality and usefulness of the objects and appliances of our home tend to take on greater importance. Together with the preference towards a more modern, contemporary style and great personality, these are the trend characteristics for the decoration of our home for the new year 2020.
The less considerate gift, on the other hand, according to this report, are the magnets for the refrigerator, the socks, the bath soaps and the aromatic candles.
GENEROSITY, a genetic quality
It is very interesting to know that some people may be genetically predisposed to have a greater degree of generosity in their personality. According to recent research published in the journal Genes, Brain and Behavior in Israel there could be a genetic tendency to be generous.
This curious conclusion has been obtained after the experiments carried out by Dr. Ariel Knafo and his research team of the University Herat of Jerusalem. They conducted a test behavior consisting of the following: deliver on and suggesting them 12-203 dollars that people donate.
After checking the results, 50% of the individuals who were willing to donate them anonymously were carriers of the AVPR1 gene in part or in its entirety.
AVPR1 gene stimulates the release of hormone h, arginine vasopressin. What acts on an area of the brain that promotes altruistic behavior.
To great astonishment, there seems to be a variant of this gene in some rat species. And Segou studies reveal, this gene might promote and strengthen social links between these mammals.
Obviously, the complicated evolution of society could have favored this attitude at the genetic level. Thus, developing this hormone genetically designed to influence a certain mental criterion more convenient and beneficial for the survival of the human species at present.
In fact, it is like that; An altruistic and solidary behavior favors not only communication, but also develops and increases the bonds of cooperation and collaboration.
These qualities nowadays, are needed more than ever for the continuance of our species. Without these, the possibility of survival against an eventual global danger would be seriously compromised.
Per this study, the genetic nature of our organism foresees this need, generating a response at a hormonal level. Of course, it arouses a lot of interest, how our organism reacts and evolves to the needs provoked by the circumstances.
WHEN YOU DON’T LIKE THE GIFT- A mistake to avoid
For these next Christmas, we must pay close attention to the gifts we make. The data is clear and alarming. 46% of us believe that you will receive unwanted gifts or that you will not like them. While 10% recognize that the gifts that they do not like will resell them.
These are the data of a study conducted by TNS in different countries such as Germany, Austria, France, Spain, Italy and the United Kingdom. The cost to more than 1000 people, shows some important information to consider when making gifts.
For example, men with 53% are the most disappointed. For receiving unwanted or inappropriate gifts. Although 57% decide to stay equally with the gift that does not like. The in-laws are the least successful in giving, with 16%, along with co-workers and bosses.
And a small percentage prefers to give it to another person.
But there is still more. The youngest are those who resell most presents, with 7% of ages between 16 and 24 years. While the 1% of adults, between 45 and 54 years also resells them.
And what is done with the cash of the resale? Well the majority saves it, compared to 36% who exchanges it for another gift. While 18% invests it for other expenses and the remaining 15% will use it to buy gifts for other people.