It’s not all as beautiful as you want to make it look like. Behind the red lights and the christmas sweets sometimes hides a tension accumulated that is difficult to carry for all the time that lasts the holiday period of Christmas, and sometimes irremediably explodes in fireworks.
Along with the summer, the Christmas season is a time of greater breakups between couples , according to some statistics. Indeed it is a time of greater exhaustion between the couple, the worst thing is that sometimes these conflicts between the couple lengthen in time , causing later clashes that may end in rupture, but it should not be like that.
TOO MANY FORCED OCCUPATIONS
No doubt at Christmas, come together a lot more tasks and commitments to take care of. It is precisely this fact which starts many arguments between the couple. To the usual professional and family obligations , a much larger number of social and family commitments must be added .
Adding more things to take care of in an agenda that is usually already full , requires a lot of organization and preparation that obviously is not done because of the many distractions that this holiday season entails.
Decorate the house, organize dinners and family meals , buy gifts for everyone and dresses for parties and social gatherings. If we also have children at home , it is more complicated; it is a party that is especially important for them and that is why they actively participate in every moment of Christmas, but this requires more attention to them that we sometimes do not have.
It should be all very nice, the holidays in theory offer us more free time , but frequently all these concerns overflow us .
That’s when the relationship is limited to conversations regarding the many occupations that must be addressed these days. Have you done this? We have to buy this other thing. Who looks after the children? We’re going to have dinner at my mother’s house. I can not. Why don’t you do this? I have to go…imposed requirements and obligations to fulfill. Nothing worse to start to drown a relationship.
Obv iously communicating all day in a tone of continuous application, negotiations abruptly and hastily pressing continuously to get things done the way you want and at a given time does not help, only annoyance and estrangement between the couple.
If this is united with the frictions generated by the forced encounters with “the whole family”, we are lost!
The reunions with unwanted people , who are unfriendly or simply not going to see you in your free moments of your vacation, is not a good idea to generate happiness . Although it is opposite to the ” Christmas spirit “, and it’s true, covering it with a thicker layer of cake or with an extra glass of wine will not prevent this fact.
The tensions that occur in unwanted family reunions sometimes produce hidden resentments in the couple, and sometimes, discussions can directly degenerate because of superfluous reasons, but very emotionally lit, which create inner frustration .
The couple feels misunderstood individually, the disinterest appears as a fog that freezes the environment and little by little the couple speaks less or in a bad tone and distances themselves more from each other.
It could be worse, if the couple has to limit the Christmas expenses . This would increase tension and frustration . Who says that money does not give happiness, at least makes disappear these concerns and that is enough.
DO NOT WORRY, THERE IS REMEDY
And very simple, but for this purpose a determined will is necessary in saving your relationship and not falling back into indifference and incomprehension .
As for everything in life, looking for an effective solution is very useful and it is often necessary to be aware of the problem . In this case, the reason why the couple has distanced themselves.
There are many reasons why a couple can break up, but now we will focus on those that appear most often during Christmas and for which many couples are in crisis.
The reasons we have already identified, mainly is the amount of worries and occupations that accumulate in these days that generate tensions and misunderstandings .
Agreeing on these dates is very difficult, and it is also something we can all relate. And precisely from this understanding must be born our interest in that person who is our partner.
Trying to get closer to their vision realize the value these holidays have for your partner is an advantage when granting and accepting certain commitments .
Generally the woman usually gives more value to the innumerable details that entails to celebrate the Christmas in family. But both bear equally the pressure that comes from having to accept with good face all the obligations and discomforts that require active participation in Christmas.
GET TO PRACTICAL AND CLEAR COMMITMENTS
Organize in advance these difficulties, will avoid haste and last minute dislikes. For that it is necessary to bargain with yourselves and to distribute in advance the things to do, getting to real commitments. In this way you will have practically everything done at the right time and you will only have to deal with the sudden problems that arise unexpectedly . Although it may not seem like it, it’s already a lot.
GRANT, DO NOT YIELD
If you know that your partner cares a lot about a particular aspect of Christmas, for example decorating the house even if you consider it excessive or having dinner on Christmas Eve with your family, if for you it is not so important or you can somehow do it, you can grant this moment of pleasure to your partner, but in a way that is understood to be a voluntary concession that must be recognized as such and not considered as a submission to the will of the other.
But in addition and this is very important , it must be done with good will, that is granted because you want to give your partner a pleasure and not because it is imposed by the circumstances .
This changes things completely, giving in to the demands of the other does not bring the couple closer; granting recognition in that a gesture of understanding thatincreases complicity , a very effective tool for a good relationship.
LIMIT FAMILY AND SOCIAL COMMITMENTS
Why not? It is true that we all like to receive gifts and congratulations at Christmas, but if it creates more complications and effort than satisfaction , should not we question the time and dedication that these represents?
In addition, as the professor of experimental psychology at the University of Oxford, Robert Dunbar says, the ability of the human being to maintain friendships is limited by the amount of time and mental effort these friendships requires.
According to their study, a person can have about 150 significant people throughout their lives. Of which 3 to 5 will be close friends who are actively concerned about the welfare of the other and more than 100 are only known .
Therefore lim iting the time and dedication of family and social commitments at Christmas seems a great idea, it could be another way to save unnecessary pressure on these long – awaited vacation days and avoid compromising situations.
However, r educe the number of commitments to a minimum seems selfish and disinterested but if it’s for the sake of the happiness with your partner, it would be a consideration to take into account.
Furthermore, this limitation would not be due to a contempt or indifference towards other people, but rather a consequence of our limited management capacity.
Although it seems an excuse and may be, it is also understandable and human, we are not able to manage everything or at least to manage it well. Therefore sometimes it is better to recognize our disability and limit ourselves to less but better in quality regarding our relationships.
Keep your family and social commitments to a minimum if you can not do otherwise, but do not sacrifice happiness with your partner. Find moments where you can enjoy your privacy alone also at Christmas. Break the routine of all these years and propose unexpected and new things to your partner.
But if you want to strengthen o recover the relationship with your partner in an infallible way, spend more time in intimacy with your partner away from the usual environment .
For this i propose a getaway, a trip even if it is short at Christmas or for later . Make your partner a gift of an experience where you can find yourself again in a more exciting and new situation . No doubt this will arouse the complicity and tenderness among you.
But after that, continue to favor intimate moments among you in any situation , daily or more prepared is good to exchange gestures of affection and warmness .
Your partner is undoubtedly the best travel companion in your life, dedicate not only time but also quality time , all the necessary so you can have a solid link to base your relationship. Care about them from the beginning when you fall in love, mutual undestanding will be a good ally to keep encircled your affection for all the time that your trip lasts.