(7/10 th PART “Fear of Rejection”)
Sometimes people reject us, people who we do not know nor they know us in fact. A bewilderment fills us with fear.
Why have they rejected us? Is there anything that does not go in me?
People who are very afraid of rejection tend to blame themselves . They accuse themselves for rejection, nothing further from reality.
The fact that they do not know you personally, means that they have no logical and objective motivation to reject you, if any.
Not to mention, to have a negative opinion of your person, right? So why they do it? Who do they really reject?
Of course, you as a person, not at all .
They may reject the way in which you have said something, a given circumstance in which you have intervened, or simply a mistaken idea that they have acquired from you externally, through other people.
Actually, that our opinion, manners, social status, tastes, appearance, character or way of dressing is not for everyone is something very normal . Why should everyone like them?
But also, that does not depend on our well-being . We can live perfectly without the acceptance of certain people or groups, even more if we do not know them or we are not interested in knowing.
In addition, the fact that they do not like our way of exposing ourselves does not mean that they hate us as a person , they simply have other tastes or preferences of what they have perceived.
Nothing happens, there are many more people in the world to meet ! Let’s not limit ourselves to the environment that society has established for us. There is an entire world of opportunities to discover.
What happens is that we often do not know how to distinguish the fact, that perhaps they simply reject a perception of us, an idea that they have of us at a given time, for a comment they have heard , for a situation they have seen , etc. . and not really who we are as a person.
People can reject the idea they think you represent, but not your person .
This happens to all of us, we often reject people we don’t even know . Not because we hate that person, but simply because the idea we have perceived of them, at a given time, does not match our way of thinking or our taste.
We also reject them for our personal reasons, or it simply does not suit us or does not interest us at that time .
For example, when a street vendor tries to convince you to buy something, but you’re not interested in that moment , because you have other obligations to do and you don’t have time, so you reject them. True? Surely they don’t appreciate this, but we don’t do it with the intention of hurting their feelings.
WHEN WE ARE REJECTED BY PEOPLE CLOSE TO US
Contrary to what it may seem, rejection among people who have maintained a personal bond, even of great affection, such as romantic relationship, is not entirely harmful .
Of course the initial disappointment is understandable, adapting to a new context where that person is no longer part of your life, sometimes it is hard to take.
However, the rejection between friendships or emotional relationships, far from being a failure, can open many other opportunities still to be discovered, even better than in the past.
That is to say, the rejection makes close relationships established, this seems something negative. However, it has a very useful side that should be considered.
It also helps us rule out friendships or proven relationships that are not convenient or not very rewarding .
Time and energy badly invested in inert relationships, which did not bring great interest or encouragement to your life.
Sometimes these relationships only create dependency .
Usually in this type of relationship, the real value that the person contributes is not recognized, nor is it appreciated . This can be very frustrating because we expected and needed to be recognized by the other person.
We are “chained” , so to speak. We need their acceptance , without which the value of our self-esteem decreases .
This only creates a psychological state of continuous dependence , which will not bring well-being, or any other personal gratification.
It is a toxic and destructive relationship . It is not convenient to be “chained” to this type of relationship, because it destroys your self-esteem and prevents you from evolving and improve .
If we have reached this point, we have to free ourselves immediately from this relationship. Our psychological well-being can not depend on the acceptance or opinion of another person .
To do this, we need to understand first that opinion is not based on our personal value, but the inability of people to recognize that special value that is in each of you .
Therefore now, it’s time to act and discard that relationship that does not bring us anything interesting, nor enriches us. It is time for us to think with emotional independence .