(5th/10 PART “FEAR OF REJECTION”)
It is true that influence and social interaction can condition to determine the idea and opinion that others have about us. Of course, if we behave badly with someone, we should not think they will have a good opinion of us.
Therefore, you cannot deny that the behavior and attitude you have when you interact with another person can determine an opinion or a judgment about you.
And this is good , if you have not yet convinced yourself, later you will understand why and you will end up convinced.
But it is also true that generally, the opinion that a person or group has of you, with which you do not have any kind of interaction , is conditioned .
Even if we have some kind of relationship, the perception that others have about us also tends to be distorted , either because knowledge is insufficient or too superficial, or because our image has been misunderstood because of circumstances .
It is difficult to connect with someone and have the time and circumstances conducive to there being an objective and real personal knowledge .
Sometimes situations make people misunderstand some behaviors that can give a wrong picture of ourselves.
For all of this, it is difficult to have an objective perception of people, even if you think you know them.
Our perception and obviously also that of others, is usually conditioned mainly by our internal, characteristic emotional states , in addition to the thoughts and beliefs acquired and consolidated over time.
These beliefs and ways of thinking form a “filter” through which the perception of the other passes, determining and showing personal motivations, apparently as rational and objective, for which they have an opinion about us.
Opinion and image that often do not match the reality of the person.
A NEW WAY OF SEE THINGS
As we have seen, our mechanism to create thoughts and beliefs in addition to having an acquired component, that is to say learned , is also very influential .
Therefore, it can not be considered a reliable source , because, as we say, it has vulnerabilities by which it can be easily conditioned .
Creating a new way of thinking that is more in line with reality, which allows us to filter the perceptions we receive, is absolutely necessary and very convenient to develop our emotional intelligence .
But we must “unlearn” what we have acquired and implement a new way of seeing things and people .
THE MENTAL HACKING
This is where we have to turn to our will and make an effort ourselves.
We have to do so to speak, a “mental hacking”.
Unlearn the false beliefs and useless thoughts that we have implanted in our brains, thoughts that are not suitable for our emotional and psychological well – being .
Rejecting the false belief that the judgment of others is more valuable than your consideration of yourself, is essential to begin to “clean” your mind of wrong and false thoughts that limit your emotional independence .
Our brain is extraordinary, the mechanisms with which it works are complex and in a certain sense mysterious.
Knowing better how they work will allow us to understand why we think or react in a certain way.
But above all, it will be of great help because it will provide us with a way to solve those emotional problems that cause us anxiety, depression and great frustration.
But, in order to learn again and develop adequate emotional intelligence , it is necessary, as I say, to eliminate our previous wrong way of thinking .
We must hack our brain , blocking certain mechanisms that lead us to think the wrong way .
Erroneous thinking that have been implemented in the past and are in origin the main reason for our psychological distress .
In this case, which we are dealing with today, the constant search for social acceptance is a huge mistake , destroys the person’s self – esteem , provoking a false idea of failure and marginalization . This idea must be removed from our thinking.
We have to understand, that to be happy, we don’t need the approval of any person, we don’t need to like to others in any way.
We do not need to belong to any social group, nor do we have to please any person, except yourself .
We owe nothing to anyone . Our time and our energy belong to us .
And it will not be the opinion of a person that will take away the dignity you have for being “simply” human and existing .
It is understandable that a negative judgment on our person can damage our self-esteem, but we have to oppose this idea and be independent from the judgment of others .
The consideration of yourself should not in any way depend on the acceptance of any person or group.
The emotional independence will make you free from this conditioning.