(10/10 th PART “Fear of Rejection”)
We often make the mistake of wanting to show ourselves with the image of another perso .
We somehow imitate their way of dressing , their way of speaking and moving , we acquire even their own tastes .
We believe that if we look like someone who is already accepted and loved by everyone, the “popular” that gets all the attention and whatever they do or say is considered with a discounted admiration and authority, we will also be at least accepted in the group.
It could work.
Following fashion, the popular of the moment, makes us uniform in behavior, image and even beliefs. But above all it does not make us seem hostile to the seemingly likes and interests of the majority.
We have acquired a “junk” belief that we have to eliminate, a totally absurd idea that goes against our “being unique people” . The ” different must be rejected . “
This idea, like so many others, has been acquired , not only from our own experience , but has been taught and worse is still being taught in our society.
But if we stop to examine, what is the origin and above all what is the motivation of this fact, we can understand one of the most interesting mechanism by which the social dynamics that is the basis of our current society is guided .
The mass, if it has the same thought , the same aspect and the same belief , is more easily controllable and instrumentalized .
HOW TO COEXIST WITH FEAR
As in almost everything in life, we have to learn the “right way” and most convenient way of doing things, even more when we have always been taught the opposite, to run away or not to react.
If we fear social rejection, it is convenient that we relearn how we must face it so that it does not cause us anxiety.
When something hurts us , we tend to be “chained” to the idea that we believe has been the cause.
The negative ideas are with us even at bedtime, causing insomnia , anxiety and even depression . This scares us , it is understandable, but it is also very normal.
If we let that unpleasant sensation go, without giving it importance , and accept that we can feel fear and anxiety and tolerate it , it will decrease as we get used to exposing ourselves to those situations that provoke it.
You know why? For one simple reason: curiously we develop “tolerance” , also to these unpleasant sensations; and we are “unhooking” as we experience them and let them pass .
That is the trick, neither more nor less, accept the anxiety caused by fear and let it go without giving it more importance. Because in reality it doesn’t matter and does not deserve our attention .
LEARN WITHOUT PRESSURE, AT YOUR RHYTHM
Start without hurry , that is, progressively , in situations that cause you less stress. You will see that you will get used to it and little by little you will not feel that pressure and social stress that bothers us so much.
RATIONALIZE, VISUALIZE THE REAL CONSEQUENCES
At the beginning when you face these situations, you will still be assaulted by junk thoughts that are the cause for which you are afraid of them. Don’t worry, rationalize the situation with serenity.
Visualize in your head the real and objective consequences that could happen. Quickly you will realize that they are not as terrible as you thought.
ANALYZE THE SITUATION BEFORE, BUT ALSO AFTER
Find out what happened , ask yourself why it went wrong and why you have been rejected. But do it in a rational and realistic way .
Try that negative emotions do not control your thoughts and lead you to justify rejection.
Think about whether it could have been better , and in what way .
Reflect rationally and motivate if it was worth the effort you were going to make or it would be better to invest your energies in another moreconvenient objective .
TAKE THE LEAD OF YOUR BRAIN
If we accommodate the thoughts that justify the rejection , without realizing our attitude will be defensive and rigid , not at all attractive.
That can cause rejection, because you have induced it in an unconscious way.
This happens because our brain does not like to feel stupid , we have explained it before. That is, we feel fear of rejection, so far it is normal, as we have already understood. But when we let junk ideas control the situation, we believe that we are not able to please others.
Unconsciously we convince ourselves that we will not reach our goal.
But in this way, we will undoubtedly become less attractive , letting stress and nervousness take over us. This will lead us many times to rejection. The perfect “excuse” to avoid similar situations next time .
But the funny thing is that fundamentally what we want is not to feel stupid , so we convince ourselves that the negative result justifies and demonstrates the belief we had beforehand, that is to say, that ” they will not like me . “ And therefore that “it is better to avoid such situations in the future “ ; and stay in our security corner, which we will call from now on “ comfort zone” .
Precisely because our brain sometimes plays “against” us , it is necessary to hack it .
Block it rationally , so that it does not interfere negatively in our life projects.
The truth is that our own brain is sabotaging us continuously. Yes, that is, even if it seems weird, it is continually giving us ideas and beliefs to justify ourselves , preventing us from reaching our goals.
KEEP A POSITIVE THINKING
Staying attached to an idea , which causes us fear , paying our full attention , even exaggerating it, makes this idea remain even more in us, causing damage continuously in a vicious circle difficult to leave.
If at the first symptoms of fear, we block that idea, we would impede its progress towards a more destructive idea , the fear would disappear as quickly as it has come.
For this it is necessary to break this circle, first accepting fear as normal and then understand that even with it , we can achieve what we want .
The clear awareness that even if they reject us, nothing would happen , or at least not as serious as we believe, will allow us to continue acting and achieve our goals.
But in addition our positive thinking will make us see very useful advantages for future experiences.
Therefore, given the fear caused by a situation, begin to discover and identify as positive all those signals by which people could value and accept you , which I assure you are many and very special.
As we have explained before, our brain convinces itself about ideas and beliefs . This is something powerful. We can use it this time, to our advantage. Don’t you think?
We can “install” new ideas and positive beliefs that will lead us to be more attractive and interesting to others, which will “magically” be accepted more easily.
Actually it’s nothing magical, it is proven by a scientific study , which showed that real positive affirmations and some about ourselves increase confidence also in others and consequently conceive greater interest and admiration for your person, so people like you more.
It is what is called having charisma .
DO NOT HIDE, SHOW YOUR UNIQUE VALUE
Our difference , far from being something to hide, is the best value we can provide.
Knowing it sometimes is not so easy. However, your unique and personal value is the most interesting thing you can contribute to others.
It doesn’t matter if some don’t understand it, not everyone have to like us. You really only have to like to one person, yourself.
When you start loving yourself , you will see things differently and you will realize that the world is bigger and the opportunities are many . In it there are so many people who will undoubtedly know how to value the unique and special being you are, just have courage and go out to meet them .