If we are threatened or physically assaulted , we might know somehow, in a more or less effective how to protect ourselves. Surely we would try to avoid the damage in some way using strategies or methods that we have learned from experience or have taught us .
In fact “our culture” teaches us to overprotect ourselves physically.
With more or less success, we know ways to avoid being physically assaulted. But when the damage is emotional , there things get complicated. We do not know how to defend ourselves, or how to avoid that damage. A damage that is sometimes worse than a physical one.
The fact is that they have not taught us how to deal with this kind of damage .
In our educational learning they have taught us many things, in fact we have knowledge and skills in so many diverse fields .
We have been convinced that the intelligence we have developed as a human species is the most advanced ever achieved by a living being, and it may be so. However, in one type of intelligence we have lagged behind; emotional intelligence .
WHY WE CARE SO MUCH ABOUT OTHERS
As we know, we humans are especially gifted to invent, create and transform the things that surround us. But this capacity that allows us to build, is inevitably limited by our own individual physical, intellectual and creative characteristics and also by the time we have available.
However, when we think collectively of a common project, our personal capacity is projected beyond our own, it does not end at its own individual limit. Relying on others, allows us to increase our creativity and we are able to invent and build things that alone, we would never have been able to realize. We are a social and interdependent species .
But in addition, we feel the imperative need to be connected to each other , and we consider it as essential for our survival . In the community we feel somehow protected .
FEAR OF NOT BEING ACCEPTED
We have a fixed idea in our head: we need the acceptance of others to feel good .
Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that outside the community we are vulnerable , exposed to dangers that threaten our survival.
Even if there is no objective danger that may threaten our physical life, we identify and perceive social rejection as a vital danger , because we somehow interpret it as a “social death.”
And it is normal for us to think like that, people are initially so to speak, “programmed” not to harm those we consider innocent , but on the contrary, for the ” guilty “ones, we very easily justify the “deserved” damage.
But the most curious thing is that if it suits us , we have a great facility to convince ourselves that others are guilty . This happens because our brain does not like to feel stupid, and justifying its decisions, somehow it feels coherent and logical.
We self-justify the rejection we make to others. We consider them blameworthy for something in which they are different and that is enough to deny them the right to be treated with fairness, respect or even dignity.
The marginalization socially accepted, is present in many environments in society and has always been a constant in history. Today, far from diminishing, it is hypocritically present in so many ideas and behaviors that are apparently social and fair.
Therefore, it is not surprising that we are afraid of not being accepted. But it must be clear that this conception of morality of a person or a community is learned and people varies according to social education acquired . That is why our moral and ethical sense is so different between cultures and societies and even times .
For example, in some cultures they do not accept mistreatment of women and children, but in others it is socially accepted, it is considered “part of education”, in the same way homosexuality is sometimes condemned, and in others the consumption of certain drugs are not penalized.
In the same way we could make examples of smaller communities, but also relevant, more everyday environments for us such as family , school, work and our social environment .
And then, if a moral opinion is not stable and uniform in all societies, environments and may even be different among singular people , why do we give so much importance to the opinion of others?